Upgrading My Memory

I don't remember what I wrote about last week. I don't even remember what I had for breakfast. Do you think in the future we will be able to upgrade our memory? Think about it. Our memories must be stored in cells in our brain and the common thought is that we do not utilize 100% of our memory capability.

As an example:

Imagine that the website, "Facebook" represents the total body of knowledge in the universe. Then we are most definitively screwed.

It is well accepted that cinnamon can boost your memory capability. I read that and after about thirty or forty lines of "premo cinnamo" (also know on the street as Smacker Jacks, Having a Lemur on Your Back, Sri Lankan Puddle Brown, and the bewildering Buns),  my memory was increased so large I completely forgot what the hell I was doing. When the best they can say is that "...[cinnamon] could help the memory", that isn't what I am looking for. That's like saying "you may prevent forest fires" , or "alcohol can kill brain...things in your head amjig.", or that "12 million tons of concrete may make the Hoover dam.". Okay so that last one might be true but the point is I need a sure thing, and not a boost either, I need full throttle supersonic rocket ignited acceleration for my deadened memory cells.

It won't be long before someone comes up with a way to change our diet, take a drug, or somehow change the chemical properties or the physical properties of the brain that will increase our memory capabilities. How about that?

On the down side we will be flooded with e-mails spamming us with subject lines like: "Add 5% to Your Capabilities Today!". I suppose it will also cut down on the number of times I can be excused for something because I forgot.

We may talk about, not brain transplants, but brain expansion kits. Would that be 128 GB? or did you want to add the super 1T size? If we do not use all of our current capability, what is the best guess for total memory function. That's right 100% maxed out ability. Unfortunately when I tried Goo Gooing this question most sites referred to my memory abilities. Anything would be an improvement for improving my memory, even a swift kick in the medial temporal lobe will knock a few memories loose and clear out some free cells (which would immediately be snapped up by important plot twists in Gilligan's Island episode number 30 in which the Skipper gets cracked on the head and he loses his memory).

I am sure the military is already working on this problem and if not than the comic book industry would do well to create their next super hero from memory enhancement therapies. Can you imagine, "Deep in the heart of Up To Know Good Labs scientists have isolated a new protein from the neural core of a Norwegian Sweat Moth that is so powerful they think it will give normal people the memory capability of..well of a Norwegian Moth. But who to test it on?"

My guess is that there would be no lack of volunteers for the trials. The only problem is reminding the volunteers to show up on time.

"Oh, that was TODAY. Sorry I have a very important toenail to cremate."

Now if we could upgrade our memories, in what way would you like to be able to upgrade? Would you like to be able to store more memory? to have a faster recall, to be able to remember things down to the minute details? Perhaps one of the upgrades will be to more efficiently erase bad memories keeping only the good stuff for long term storage.

I'm guessing that we don't want to mess with this stuff. I kind of like not remembering everything. Sure it would be nice if I could remember ALL of my kids names but hey, 50% is passing...I think. Upgrading memory might just be a case of TMI. I mean, there has to be a healthy level of information and beyond that we just end up thinking too much and we don't want people thinking too much, especially Californians.

In the western expanse of North America, the same land that brought us, "Total Recall" and "Willard", we now find out that researchers have been able to revive "old memories in mice!" I didn't read the entire article (I think...well maybe I did) but I would be scared to revive old memories of rodents with sharp claws and teeth using psychodelic drugs and possible electro-shock therapy.. I mean isn't that what slugs are for.

I love how at the end of the article the researcher from Boston University supports the idea of rodents and "mental time travel". So were the mice the only recipients of the drug therapy?

So now we not only have a super hero whose memory is too big for his pants (or whatever) and now we have very angry mice with stimulated rodent memories that can travel time and are right now...even as we speak...looking for their car keys.

On the East coast however researchers think they are closer to cracking the memory caper. Scientists were able to isolate specific neurons that controlled specific memories. That's right! They could remove the neuron and remove the memory altogether. They say this proves that memories are physical rather than conceptual. I think it means we should watch out for MIT guys with sharp pointed sticks. Perhaps someday they will be able to create new memories and plant them in our brains and we wouldn't know the difference. Hmmmm. Now where was I last summer?

Of course this is only in the future. For now our world is safe from four legged memory perturbed rabies monsters. Has anyone seen my car keys?

(Please share this with a friend, another human, or even with a Californian.)