My Memory - a Total Recall

When I try to imagine what a "real" timeline is like I imagine a straight line. That is to say my life has a point at which I am currently occupying and many points leading up to that moment and the next logical space in front of my current position would be the point directly in front of me. As usual, my imagination fails me, because if I then try to imagine your timeline it is also a straight one. Initially I see many parallel lines but that can't be correct. Our lines must intersect. Not only must they intersect but they often intersect at several way points. We meet up at such random moments, births, funerals, water aerobics and of course *social media. To me the most surprising moments are those that seem to wrap up memory fragments from my deep past. Memory fragments that combine a present tense experience with a past tense moment, unfortunately as this is happening I am simultaneously asking myself if the present tense experience is happening and if the past tense moment existed in the first place. Just like deja vu except not.

I am sure you have felt the way I often do about memory. My memory is damaged. No really, I mean completely deep fried but still active. If Intel were to inspect my brain there would be an immediate and total recall (no connection to the story of the same name). Now I am trying to imagine what it would be like to live life without cognizant memory. I don't mean that you wouldn't know how to tie your shoelaces, dial a phone, or stick a stamp on to an envelope which are all antiquated anyway. I mean you would not have with what to compare your present day experiences.

One of my own personal issues I have is with expectations or more specifically my own expectations. It might be hard to admit but my expectations get in the way of rational thinking. I might decide to do something or more likely not to do something because of certain expectations. I am not going to the ballet because the last time I went I fell asleep. (Of course it was in the car on the way even before the performance started, but that isn't the point.) or the last time I went to see The Terminator it was before my wife dumped me so I am not going to see another movie with Linda Hamilton. If I could not recall these previous experiences I would more than likely use other criteria to make my decisions, like I don't like to see men in tights so I won't go to the ballet or "Who the hell is Linda Hamilton anyway?".

Rare is the moment when I jump into the abyss knowingly. If I know...or more accurately if I believe I am going to get hurt, experience pain, or lose in an endeavor I do not step up. Frodo's ring would never have left the Shire if it was up to me. It would still be lost at the bottom of the junk drawer under the microwave covered by my private collection of unusable measuring cups and beer bottle openers that are too small to be useful. Sauron would still be foiled but my method is less than Tolkien. I suppose that could be the definition of courage, when people knowingly leap into a certainty hoping to either have some profound affect on the situation and to make a change or because they believe there is only one right way to act. This could also be the definition of grain alcohol.

So is it better to know? or not to know? I don't know.

According to Dict.com
* Social Media is defined as voluntary spam.